If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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