I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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