farters have to be the big spoon...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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