She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize