so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
