Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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