How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
