I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
