If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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