...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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