I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
