After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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