What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
