I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
