I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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