bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
