It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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