Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
