Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
