stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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