Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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