Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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