summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
