I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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