SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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