so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
