So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
