Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
