just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
