So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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