I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
