he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
