she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
