That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
