Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
