NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
