My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
His nipple licking is glorious
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