I wanna bring you to show and tell
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
only you would photoshop your dick
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
