Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
