I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
