I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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