i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
