You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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