I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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