Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
