even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
