he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
