Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This toilet bowl is my home.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
