Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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