I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
