I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
