I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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