I wish I could punch you in the face.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I love you.
Bad choice
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