My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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