it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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