Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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