just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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