you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh god the rape fog is back!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
