i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
