please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
how does that bad decision feel?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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