I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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