It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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