so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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