she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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