I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
