Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...