i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.